The Wedding ~ Throwback Thursday

I sit in the front pew of the church feeding the baby, jiggling her so she won’t cry, and holding my camera ready to push the record button.  I’m not a multi-tasker.  I cannot rub my tummy and scratch my head at the same time.  The wedding is already fifteen minutes late in starting.  The organist is repeating her selection and glancing towards the back of the church…  looking for a sign of life.

The photographer, who is also my husband (Gary) goes downstairs to see what’s taking them so long.  When I left downstairs fifteen minutes earlier the girls were half dressed and Marissa sat with half-a-head of curls while her stylist kneeled beside of her with a lock of hair held tight to the curling iron waiting for another to set.  Jake raced back and forth through the rooms, looking for something to get into.

Gary returns with the news that they are almost ready.  It seems Jake dropped the ring down the steps…  tink.. tink.. tink…   His mom and dad laugh, three rows back, hearing the news.  It’s so…  Jake.

Soon the wedding begins.  My daughter marries the father of her two children… and they are officially family.

Love my grand-angels!

 

No Place Like Home

Today I helped empty out my sister Lindy's clothes closet.  Most was taken to Goodwill but I brought several shirts home for myself.  Her perfume still lingers.  Her presence is undeniable.

Her favorite flowers on one of her favorite sweatshirts

It was strange.  Invading her privacy like that.  Going through her clothes and throwing them into garbage bags as though she would never be coming home.

But it's true.  She would not be coming back to her earthly home.

I grabbed a photo from her refrigerator before I left.  Gene (her husband) said I could have it for Lindsey.  I remember the day like it was yesterday.  June 8, 1990.  We loved going to plays.  The Wizard of Oz was playing at ACC and we had front row seats.  Going to plays with Lindy was so much fun.  She showed such enthusiasm and excitement.  The highlight of this particular play was when my two year old Lindsey decided to plead with the mean wicked old witch during the scary scene...  saying aloud, "Please don't hurt me wicked old witch..  please don't hurt me."  We talked about that all the way home.

After working so hard cleaning out her clothes closet, we did what Lindy would have wanted to do had she been here.  We went to the casino to play.

I did not think about it.  Honestly, I did not give it a thought.  I played what has become my favorite machine and yea, I have won a little here and a little there.  I have never won over $65.   (I am not a gambler.  Just like to play a little now and again but I usually lose)  The machine:  The Wizard of Oz.  Suddenly Dorothy's slippers started clicking and clanking and moving around the screen and my money was growing...  my $50 became $75.... then $100...  up, up, up it went... and before you know it I had $286 racked up!!!!

I collected my money and waited on the others to finish playing (and losing).  And as I waited and held tight to my winnings, I thought about what had just happened.  I don't really believe in luck but this did not seem coincidental...  no more than snow on the day of her funeral had.  I thought of the picture in my purse pocket...  the one of that magical night of The Wizard of Oz play and I knew.  Lynn was with me.  In my heart.  On my mind.  On my side.  I can't explain it because it is magical.  Beyond understanding.  It just is.

She's with God.  And she's clicking her heels saying, "There's no place like home."  And she is.  Home.

Spring

I thought I'd be back before now...  but I just didn't feel like blogging.  After my gallbladder surgery on the 10th, first I spent a week in agony, then I couldn't think of anything to blog about.

I'm feeling better each day but still a lot of soreness in my belly.  I was glad to be back to work five days after my surgery.  Of course, sitting in an office doesn't take a lot of umph.   I just need to be careful about how I twist, turn and move around.

The first week I could only sleep on my back.  Tylenol was my friend.  Sleep was not.  A heavy, burning pain radiated through my gut and I wondered, was this surgery successful or did it leave me worse off than before?  About a week out the pain slowly but steadily became less and less.

A couple more weeks and I should be back to normal.  Heres to time and healing!

Spring is next month.  I'm ready.  How about you?

Celebration!

Last night my son and daughter-in-law took us to Wasabi  Sushi Japanese Restaurant for dinner.  It was fun and the food was great!

Jasper loved seeing them cook the food.   In preparation the chef would ignite a fire in front of us and whhoooosh the fire jumped high into the air and then the chef prepared the stir fry of rice, veggies, chicken and shrimp.   He would then go around the bar filling our plates with whatever it was that we ordered.  The finished product was so very tasty!

It was Jessica's birthday dinner, and so they brought out a big sparkler and a dessert with a candle in the middle.

No coffee for me in the AM till I go to the hospital and get some blood drawn.  Getting ready for gallbladder surgery on Wednesday.

I've been trying to stay away from junk food that makes me feel bad.  Cake is my weakness, so this was really hard to resist though:  Hostess Cupcakes (sold at an antique mart we visited on Friday) for only $2.50!!  What a deal!  And check out the sell by date on the bottom right hand corner.  Only five months out.  I know. Hard to pass up!

Joy

Each year of my life I recognize more and more how drama and negativity need to become

a thing of the past.

Concentrating on all that is good will bring peace.   

This time of year I begin to plan for the years good stuff.  The vacations.  The family time together.  

It keeps me sane through the gray days that threaten to steal my joy.

So, I have our beach condo's reserved for August.  It will be a little different this year.  Some who were there last year will not be returning.  But new faces will take the place of old ones.  We had a blast last year and hope for more of the same.

We never know what life will bring.  But we can be sure that it will be full of surprises.  Last year I lost my brother to cancer in January and then in December I lost my sister to kidney failure.   I was alone with my sister when she died.  Words could not describe my grief.  But, life goes on.    

Life can be crippling at times but after the storm comes the rainbow.  The good stuff.  Like watching the sun rise and set over the sea.  Breathing in the warm ocean air.  Laughing so hard that I cry.  Playing silly games with my grandchildren.  Sharing in life with my husband and my kids.  Being still and feeling God's presence.  

There is no doubt that my life's journey will include more loss and sadness and I try to mentally prepare for this.   Sometimes....  Many times...  I have to close my eyes and say, "God, change my heart that I can sweep life's bitter, empty nothingness under the rug...  and I can live my life experiencing Your joy."   And in time, he does just that.

Can You Hear Me Now?

I'm trying some new stuff for my business.  Google Ad Words.  I find this to be very complicated but every day I try to learn more.  I finally have it set so when (in our area) hearing aids are clicked on my business is generally right on top.  It's tough.  There is a lot of competition here.  On National Highway alone there are 3 other hearing aid businesses within miles of one another.  

This July will start our sixth year.  Even though Gary has retired, I still say 'our' because he will pitch in and help when needed.  He's good like that.

We get a lot of referrals from satisfied customers.  We also have many customers because of the big gold ear in our front yard.  This year our 'ear guy' is going to carve us a new ear.  It's time.

Business is good and we beat all competition in pricing.  I love working with the elderly (mostly).   Servicing their hearing aids and sometimes just counseling them on how to use them or what to expect.  Today one of my customers hugged me tight before she left and said, "I love coming here.  You are not only my hearing aid provider...  you have become such a good friend as well."

This is going to be another great year.  January, which is usually quite slow,  has been very prosperous!

Come on over to ALL ABOUT HEARING and check us out!   My web page is not perfect...  but I did it myself and I change it around a lot.  I get a fair amount of business from it.

Hey, Phil says spring is just around the corner!  Are you as ready as I am??

Ready for It?

Regardless of what that groundhog sees when he pulls himself from his little cubbyhole next week...  shadow or not... 

The calendar says that the following month will be spring.  

Are you ready for it?

Summer and Rissi and....  AND I'd like to Introduce to you my new granddog Ellie May.  

Snowy Sunday

Snow.  

It can bring out the best....

And it can bring out the worst...  

"Where's my potty???"

"What are you looking at?  Haven't you ever seen a dog look for a place to go potty before?"

"I don't get mad...  I get even..."

Disappointing

I'm supposed to be in Nashville.  The trip was planned well in advance.  It would be a fun time.  A time of learning.  Of getting CEU's.  Of eating good food and visiting fun places.  

My bags were packed (well, in my head) and a sign was ready for the door.  I even printed out directions and had calculated in my head how I'd be spending every single minute of my trip after downloading Siemens agenda on my iPhone.

But.  The snow came.  The trip was cancelled.  And I have swore off making any plans again in the dead of winter.

Hope everyone is staying safe and warm!

HELP!

Business is booming.  Who would have thought January would bring so many people in to get hearing help?  And speaking of help...  it was going on four o'clock the other day, and I looked out my office door to find a sight to behold!  A snow squall that covered the ground and looked like it would be a big 'un.   My survival mode kicked in and I did the first thing that came to mind. 

I wrote in that virgin snow...  for all the world to see....  exactly what I was thinking.   

Now how many days till spring?

Footballs

This scene from last year sometime:

Summer:  What are you watching, Pop Pop?

Gary:  I'm watching football.  Do you like football?

Summer shakes her head:  No, I don't like football.  

About five minutes later Gary goes to the kitchen and brings in some hershey's chocolate drops in a bag.

Summer:  What are you eating?

Gary:  Footballs.

Summer:  I like football!

It's Magic

Christmas celebration may have been interrupted by the loss of my sister this year, but God's peace has replaced the empty, sick feeling that I held onto for that first week that she was gone.  

I worried that I might have nightmares after the day of her death.  Being alone with her when she took her last breath.  

I did have one nightmare.  It was horrible.  One of those that you cannot wake yourself up from, but your spouse hears you crying out in your sleep.  I blame it on the spaghetti that I ate too much of the night before.  

Most of my dreams are good though.  Pleasant.  Comforting.  Peaceful.  Many include my sister.  

 For me, dreams are a big part of my life.  I love dreaming, especially when I can remember what I dreamed.  But I find when my mind is cluttered with doubt and unfinished business,  I often cannot remember what or if I even had any dreams.  If I take time to pray before I sleep I almost always have peaceful sleep.

Yesterday the kids came for one last round of play with the Christmas Village.  Then today, we packed it up and put it all away for another year.

I will miss mornings of magic.  Sleepily pulling myself from bed and shuffling out into a living room of brilliant blinking lights and houses aglow.  Figurines ice skating and the train waiting at the station for the next group of passengers to be whisked away to the winter carnival in the next town, just around the bend.  

Yes, my mornings will seem mundane without Christmas magic lighting up the living room, and my life.   But on the positive side, Gary (who is generally awake before me) will have one less job to do (turning on the lights).  

Ha!  He actually had it down to a science...  especially after he wired it all for remote access.  Just push the button and.... poooofffffff.... magic.

Oh, I have to tell  you this!  It is so funny!!!!  And so cute!!!!

Jasper is three.  A precious, precious child he is!  A little slow in learning and of special needs and so very trusting.

Gary hides the remote in his hand and tells Jasper that if he touches his nose the village will light up. 

 So he does.  

 Gary secretly pushes the button on the remote.  Jasper smiles with delight as the village comes alive  with the touch of his finger to his nose.  

Gary:  Now if you pull your ear like this (pulls his ear) it will turn off.

Jasper pulls on his ear and the village goes dark.  

He touches his nose again and the village comes alive.  

That boy was so excited that he had the power to turn that village off and on just by the touch of his nose or the pulling of his ear,  he kept doing it over and over again, shaking with excitement, his eyes wide with disbelief at his own powers.  

It was so very cute!!!

After church yesterday a rainbow showed beautifully over the church parking lot.  God, reminding us of his promises.  

My New Years hope is that I draw closer to my Creator 

and that His peace be with me throughout the year.  

Goodbye Christmas

Today was Take One Half of the Christmas Decorations Down Day.  All but the Christmas Village was packed away and toted to the shed out back.  It felt good.  Getting rid of Christmas.  

This has been my Christmas for the past two years:  Celebration on the outside, brokenhearted on the inside.  It takes its toll.  

It's okay though.  Every single year the fluff of Christmas fades more and more and God comes nearer...  reminding me that celebrating Jesus is the real reason for the season.  Not that I don't know that already.  But there's something about suffering loss that brings more light to the real reason, Jesus.  

And so the Christmas Village will stay up until the end of January so the kids can get their fill of play...  and then that too will be packed away.  And I will be counting down the days till spring.  Then summer.  Then fall.  And if it be God's will, we will see Christmas again next year.  

Lindy and Weather

Last Monday as I drove over the hill to spend what would be my last hours with my sister, I noted the fog.  It mirrored my feelings.  The hopelessness in my heart.  The sad that had replaced Christmas magic from just days earlier.  

Leaving her house later that day, after the death.  The crying.  The coroner.  The taking her away in a bag.  The dog lunging...  trying to get into the other room where his mama was being taken from him.    The family sobbing and holding onto one another.  The empty, sick feeling that replaced her presence.  Now, a clear sky.  Fog, lifted.  A ray of sunshine peeking through ominous clouds.

I thought about the Charlie Brown Christmas tree that decorated her table for the last couple of years...  and about how it seemed symbolic of her failing health.

The funeral home viewings brought so many of family and friends together to celebrate her life.  I learned a lot about my sister.  Things I did not know before.  I met so many people who loved her.  We shared stories and we laughed and cried.   I was living a dream.  This could not be happening.  Is it true that she would no longer be in my life?  I prayed for strength.

My sister Lindy was real.  She had a powerful personality, one that will not be easily forgotten.  She said what was on her mind, and I admired that in her.

She loved lots of snow.  Building snowmen.  Making snow angels.  Sled riding.  Playing in the snow.  She was often noted as saying that she hoped that God would put her in charge of the weather when she entered Heaven so she would be assured of having plenty of snow.

Now, I don't know for sure exactly how all that works.  Death.  Rest.  Souls.  Heaven.

But what I do know is that the warmer temps and fog and rain that had been our constant companion throughout the first part of our winter died off the day Lindy took her last breath.

As we walked out of the funeral home on Sunday night in dark and quiet of the night, snow was falling and had blanketed the earth.  Winter had arrived.  It was a bit eerie.  A twilight zone moment.

And then.  The next day, her funeral.  Blizzard-like conditions and bitter cold temperatures followed the funeral precession up the mountain and to the cemetery.  Wind whipped at the funeral tent and as everyone scurried to get out of the cold I went up and pulled a daisy from the flowers that laid atop her casket and I whispered, "I hope you're happy".